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RELATIONSHIP GONE OFF TRACK?
ALWAYS FIGHTING THE SAME FIGHT?
NOTHING GETTING RESOLVED?
ONE OR BOTH OF YOU IS BEHAVING IN A DISTRESSING WAY?
ONE OF YOU THINKS YOUR RELATIONSHIP HAS RUN ITS COURSE?
NEED TO PROCESS CLOSURE?
DIVORCING AND WANT TO WORK OUT NEW WAYS OF RELATING TO CHILDREN AND FRIENDS?
CALL NOW on 07429 409336 for an appointment NB I do NOT use voicemail, please text.
I have twenty three years' experience as a psychotherapist and couple counsellor.
I am committed to processing what both people in relationships want, including, if appropriate, managing breakups and establishing protocols for aftercare.
Charitable organisations often have very long waiting lists, and an assessment process which means you might be required to reveal personal material to a counsellor before you can be assigned to the person with whom you will actually work.
My approach is simpler. I carry out running assessment to ensure that you are someone with whom I can work effectively during our first 'get to know you' session. Therapy can then proceed immediately.
Whatever you are conflicting about, usually repeatedly, it's likely in most relationships to be a symptom of deeper problems.
Learning to face up to difficult truths about the relationship and the other person in it is frightening. Many people are unable to improve communications in their relationship for fear of conflict that will lead to crisis or even a split.
Couple therapy gives us the time, space, and the loving, non judgmental presence of a third person to make a safe container to explore difficult issues and improve the couple connection.
For people who have experienced an unusual crisis, threatening a previously strong relationship, or others who have decided to undergo the journey towards ending their relationship and need some support for that process, basic couple counselling is a good idea.
For those who are experiencing ongoing difficulties, or feel that there are complex issues to resolve with a view to developing and deepening their relationship, I offer private couple psychotherapy.
I have been seeing couples for more than twelve years and have undergone two periods of couple psychotherapy training.
Couple therapy, like individual therapy, is, ideally, weekly and costs £60 per session. In some instances I will agree to fortnightly client sessions.
I always hold both people in equal regard and I will give them feedback, help them to process unconscious individual or joint issues affecting their relationship as in individual therapy.
When working with a couple the therapist helps them identify patterns of relating which limit them and keep the relationship 'stuck' in a negative way.
I believe 'matters of the heart' are just that, and cannot just be addressed and healed from the logical or rational mind. Bodily responses, both observed by the therapist, or experienced by either person in a couple, also enable us to identify thoughts and feelings far more directly and effectively than merely conversing.
I am happy to see both heterosexual and LGBT couples.
I am a therapist, not a professional mediator, my aim is not to resolve practical issues, around finances and child care. There is sometimes a coaching element to couple work so I can suggest new strategies to try to improve the relationship.
TEN TIPS FOR IMPROVING YOUR RELATIONSHIP
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1 Remember that you are two individuals with a different set of experiences, beliefs and world views. How you were brought up will largely define a great deal of your attitude to relationship
2 The other person isn't likely to be perfect. Issues big and small in a successful relationship need to be negotiated: remember, don't ASSUME - Assume makes an ASS out of U and ME!
3 If you are conflicting over money there might be underlying problems which are being displaced. Relationships should not be about money, yet issues over finance destroy a lot of partnerships.
4 If you want to improve communications then the best time to talk is when things are going well and you are relaxed. No issue ever gets resolved during a row because anger and raised voices bring up defences which prevent resolution. Try to always tell the truth no matter how afraid you are. Remember, your partner is supposed to be on your side. He or she is not a judging, punishing parental figure.
5 This may be bad news given the culture in which we live right now, but for most people I see, sexual infidelity, including persistent flirting, is unacceptable in a long term relationship. Rebuilding trust is very difficult indeed. Infatuation or sexual feelings for others is common but it does not need to be acted upon. Most adults are attracted to other people from time to time. If this is happening too frequently the relationship probably needs work.
6 Addictions destroys many relationships: alcohol, drugs, gambling, pornography*, hobbies and even work prioritised over the relationship is a very frequent cause of couple breakdown.
7 Many people fall in love then forget to negotiate very basic issues like whether they are going to have children, religious or political preferences or preferred geographical location. If you are planning to take a relationship to the next level, while it isn't very romantic, being adult enough to begin sharing major likes, dislikes, plans and beliefs will pay dividends further along if you are clear about these issues. Don't 'fit in' with someone while you are infatuated: it may not be a decision you would make otherwise.
8 Nothing corrodes a good relationship like resentment. Resentments often occur because of things unsaid, a series of misunderstandings, and outside interference. These issues can easily be avoided by promoting honest, ongoing communication.
9 Wouldn't it be great if we could all fall in love with the perfect person and live happily ever after? I guess some people do this with minimum effort, for the rest of us, we have to put in a little effort. Hard work at times but, there it is.
10 Relatives and friends often well meaning, sometimes interfering for their own purposes, can really put pressure on a relationship. The truth is that while we often seek advice from people with whom we are close, they may have a conscious or unconscious agenda. We cannot rely on their advice.
Advice usually involves revealing personal information about your relationship. People can be judgmental, so while they might want to support you just because you are their relative or friend, they may dissaprove, or not maintain confidentiality. Their advice isn't always fair or appropriate. Advice is usually not of much use. We all know what we SHOULD do. We don't really want advice, or really expect others to be able to fix it for us.
Don't let other people get involved in your relationship, it seldom helps and in some cases can actually destroy relationships. You don't have to give out private information to anyone and you really do have the right to set boundaries against curious or manipulative people.
Latest article: Why Do Couples Fight? HERE