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RELATIONSHIP GONE OFF TRACK?
ALWAYS FIGHTING THE SAME FIGHT?
NOTHING GETTING RESOLVED?
ONE OR BOTH OF YOU IS BEHAVING IN A DISTRESSING WAY?
ONE OF YOU THINKS YOUR RELATIONSHIP HAS RUN ITS COURSE?
NEED TO PROCESS CLOSURE?
DIVORCING AND WANT TO WORK OUT NEW WAYS OF RELATING TO CHILDREN AND FRIENDS?
Process is different in some ways to individual counselling. It's not an open ended journey. We can identify real problems so that you can fix them.
We all change and grow as individuals. This can cause conflict.
Careers develop, change. Family economics change. Children come along. We can't always negotiate and adapt. We live in a high stress and fast changing culture.
People need directness, honesty and also a safe place to process conflict in a calm, positive and functional way.
I'm an emotionally non-violent practitioner, because what works is not confrontation, but challenge.
You need fast solutions. We will either repair your relationship and offer strategies to keep it growing and positive or if it is going to break, arm you with the insight and tools to make sure you don't make the same mistakes again.
You got together for a range of complex reasons and we will identify these, both the conscious and unconscious ones.
If I think one person has a serious issue I will say so but I am fair, I am on everybody's side. How the other person handles this is equally important.
CALL NOW on 07429 409336 for an appointment NB I do NOT use voicemail, please text.
I am committed to processing what both people in relationships want, including, if appropriate, managing breakups and establishing protocols for aftercare.
Why choose private couple counselling?
I have no waiting list, and an assessment process which means you might be required to reveal personal material to one counsellor before you can be assigned to another and my assessment process is mutual.
Whatever you are conflicting about, usually repeatedly, it's likely in most relationships to be a symptom of deeper problems.
Learning to face up to difficult truths about the relationship and the other person in it is frightening. Many people are unable to improve communications in their relationship for fear of conflict that will lead to crisis or even a split.
Couple therapy gives us the time, space, and the loving, non judgmental presence of a third person to make a safe container to explore difficult issues and improve the couple connection.
I have been seeing couples for more than twenty years and have couple psychotherapy training.
I hold both people in equal regard and I will give them feedback, help them to process unconscious, individual or joint issues affecting their relationship.
We identify patterns of relating which limit or and keep the relationship 'stuck' in a negative way.
I see both heterosexual and LGBTQ+ couples.
I am not a professional mediator, my aim is not to resolve practical issues around finances and child care. But there is a coaching element to couple work so I can suggest new strategies to try to improve the relationship.
TEN TIPS FOR IMPROVING YOUR RELATIONSHIP
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1 Remember that you are two individuals with a different set of experiences, beliefs and world views. How you were brought up will largely define a great deal of your attitude to relationship
2 The other person isn't likely to be perfect. Issues big and small in a successful relationship need to be negotiated: remember, don't ASSUME - Assume makes an ASS out of U and ME!
3 If you are conflicting over money there might be underlying problems which are being displaced. Relationships should not be about money, yet issues over finance destroy a lot of partnerships.
4 If you want to improve communications then the best time to talk is when things are going well and you are relaxed. No issue ever gets resolved during a row because anger and raised voices bring up defences which prevent resolution. Try to always tell the truth no matter how afraid you are. Remember, your partner is supposed to be on your side. He or she is not a judging, punishing parental figure.
5 This may be bad news given the culture in which we live right now, but for most people I see, sexual infidelity, including persistent flirting, is unacceptable in a long term relationship. Rebuilding trust is very difficult indeed. Infatuation or sexual feelings for others is common but it does not need to be acted upon. Most adults are attracted to other people from time to time. If this is happening too frequently the relationship probably needs work.
6 Addictions destroys many relationships: alcohol, drugs, gambling, pornography*, hobbies and even work prioritised over the relationship is a very frequent cause of couple breakdown.
7 Many people fall in love then forget to negotiate very basic issues like whether they are going to have children, religious or political preferences or preferred geographical location. If you are planning to take a relationship to the next level, while it isn't very romantic, being adult enough to begin sharing major likes, dislikes, plans and beliefs will pay dividends further along if you are clear about these issues. Don't 'fit in' with someone while you are infatuated: it may not be a decision you would make otherwise.
8 Nothing corrodes a good relationship like resentment. Resentments often occur because of things unsaid, a series of misunderstandings, and outside interference. These issues can easily be avoided by promoting honest, ongoing communication.
9 Wouldn't it be great if we could all fall in love with the perfect person and live happily ever after? I guess some people do this with minimum effort, for the rest of us, we have to put in a little effort. Hard work at times but, there it is.
10 Relatives and friends often well meaning, sometimes interfering for their own purposes, can really put pressure on a relationship. The truth is that while we often seek advice from people with whom we are close, they may have a conscious or unconscious agenda. We cannot rely on their advice.
Advice usually involves revealing personal information about your relationship. People can be judgmental, so while they might want to support you just because you are their relative or friend, they may dissaprove, or not maintain confidentiality. Their advice isn't always fair or appropriate. Advice is usually not of much use. We all know what we SHOULD do. We don't really want advice, or really expect others to be able to fix it for us.
Don't let other people get involved in your relationship, it seldom helps and in some cases can actually destroy relationships. You don't have to give out private information to anyone and you really do have the right to set boundaries against curious or manipulative people.
Latest article: Why Do Couples Fight? HERE